Oh my, Oh my….let me tell you about the day I had.
Well it kind of started from the other day and then burst into yesterday.
Now I am going to warn you that this post is embarrassing, to me, and you will feel embarrassed for me as you read this. But what I am learning in life is that you have to be able to a) laugh at yourself and b) share so that others can maybe laugh at learn from your experiences; so that is what I am going to do.
So Monday I noticed this bump, a hair bump, which might I add are annoying enough alone. But then add a compromising spot and you have a compromised annoyance.
Where was this bump you ask?
My leg; seems harmless right? That’s because you are thinking like on my calf or middle thigh; annoying yes, but not really compromising.
Well travel a bit more north and there is where said bump was located at. Yup my thigh right where they touch (I’m working on this) and close to my ho-ha!
Jesus help me! (and this is exactly what I said.)
I woke up on yesterday (after an unrestful night due to discomfort) and this bump hurt SO BAD I’d rather had been having contractions. I decided I was going to HAVE to go to the Dr.
I called and made an appointment and I go in. Now this is where the comedy of the whole situation begins.
I’m in the office and the Dr. comes in, and I’m sitting in the chair in a way that even a man would be side eyed, when she walked in. She comes in and asks in her matter-o-fact doctorly way “What’s going on?”
“I have what I think is a hair bump that has gone out of control.” She says, “Okay, well let’s see.”
So now I had to drop my pants right then and there; can you say AKWARD? (insert thought: I can’t believe this is my life right now.)
She sees it and says “okay well lets drain it” (all perky, like it won’t hurt a bit)…I was in so much pain she could have said I would have had to sacrifice a finger and I would have been all in.
She leaves and comes back with the cleaning agent, the numbing meds, and whatever else she needed. Now she thought she was slick talking to me while she cleaned it to distract me, but I rolled with it. Plus, the story she was telling was hilarious. You know we women will talk about anything as my husband says. She’s telling me the story of her first labor and the massive hemorrhoid experience and I’m laughing and grimacing at the same time cause this bump hurt to the touch.
She just keeps on moving along and pulls out the numbing meds. Now when I agreed to this I didn’t think about a needle or the fact that she would have to get poked but now it was smack. Dead. in front of my face. So I stop her in the middle of her amusing story, mid laughter and hold my finger up, “Um, wait a second are you about to poke me with that?”
“Yes I have to get it numb, it’ll be fast!” and by now her matter-o-fact doctor tone is making me want to do something not so nice.
After she saw the look on my face we both agreed it would be best if she brought her assistant in to hold my other leg cause I could just see me hauling off and kicking this lady.
So now it’s three of us in this room PLUS my son…yes I brought the baby with me because I had to (don’t judge me). Thank God he was sleeping through all of this cause he might forever be scarred.
(Sigh) I am now in this froggy position with one lady holding my leg and the other poking me with a needle and I am yelping; YES, literally YELPING. (Don’t worry the baby is still sleep)
She says ok cool that’s done. I literally blurted out my thought “How did I get here??” as we are now all laughing hysterically. I’m thinking the worst part is over, when the Dr pulls out a razor, yes a razor BLADE!
I immediately became a boss lady!
I told the Dr., “You wait.” The assistant, “Touch this and make sure I can’t feel it.”
They laugh at me and my now bossy demeanor and we confirm I can’t feel it and we proceed.
I’ll spare you the rest of the details cause it really is irrelevant, but needless to say now I feel a whole lot better.
How did I get here you ask?
Waxing! That’s how. Dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t.
The Dr. stated as she was bandaging me up, “I’m glad you clear it down here or putting on this tape would suck.”
My reply, “Nooooo, taking it off would suck”.
We all burst out laughing again!
My son….still sleep! He may not sleep through the night but he sure slept through one of mommy’s most embarrassing moments and I am good with him for that!
The moral of the story: Sometimes being a lady sucks. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. And Waxing is the devil!
I hope you laughed as hard as I did!